Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
