I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
