my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
