Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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