Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
