Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
