sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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