I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
