tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
