just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
