Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
