I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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