Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
