Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
