i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
jump out the window naked night went bad
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