I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
