I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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