you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
