The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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