just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
