brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this boner is exhausting
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
