why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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