Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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