Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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