Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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