it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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