1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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