my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
