Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
