Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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