i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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