Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
