in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
