I just pynch a tree in the face
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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