Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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