I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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