You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
