At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
