I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
