When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
