I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
