I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
