My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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