I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
