Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's Friday. Sex?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize