i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
