so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
