I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
