see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
