you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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