Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
