hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
