OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
