Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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