When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
