Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
