She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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