I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
