Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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