I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize