I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
