Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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