i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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