that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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