You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
