just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize