what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
