I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
