I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
