I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
