this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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