left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
