i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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