We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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