so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you never un-have a 4some
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
