I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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